previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
Hey you guys, we have three of these
stupid stones, and by three I mean six. Let's find one more.
Why do we think there's one more? Because there are seven exits. Isn't there technically eight exits?
We count the bullshit sundial hole. That makes nine.
You notice Flame begins and she goes and sits down and kind of leans up against the hedge and you continue talking
there for a little while and then you look back and she's disappeared.
Told her not to wander off. Flint leans up against the hedge and falls through.
You emerge within sight of a circle at the foot of the tower.
You all begin to walk into the circle and as each of you steps into the circle, you are teleported into another room.
Look at these symbols. I like to sit. I like to sit a lot. I like to write upside down letters.
And I press the star. A few seconds pass and the white light comes and you enter another chamber
and it's clearly the workplace of a wizard. As you begin being pelted by sharp shards of ice,
as you look up you see five cult members standing from a high up balcony.
Ice to see you. Talk about a chilly reception.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons. We're a D&D 5th edition actual play podcast and I'm your dungeon master Russ More and with me today is Amy More.
I have a foot cramp and I play Thea Amastasia. Also with me Carla Johnson.
I have a dog with me. No foot cramp. And I play new Laura Moonbrook.
And finally Tom Laird. I am dog free, no foot cramp, although my back's a little tight.
And I play Flynn Firebeard. This is a good rundown of things happening and ailments.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons. This is what it's going to be like in 50 years guys.
Next time we're going to list our medications. I'm on the Zantac.
Oh, excellent. That's a fun one.
No, I don't even know.
Cialis, are you looking for Cialis?
Oh, Cialis, there you go.
That's boner medication. That's for boners.
The most important medication.
All right, so in 2068, tweet us which boner medication you're on.
Oh, there's going to be so many by that time.
Everyone will just have robot boners, I think.
Oh, that's even better.
That's going to be really awkward when you get that, like when it, you know,
when the machines take over.
They are taking over.
It'll just be like, and you'll know what's happening because you'll hear,
you can hear the boner because obviously it's not going to be silent.
Somebody stop me.
Oh, God. OK.
And that wasn't like a mask, like somebody stop me.
That was a legitimate cry for help.
So this is the perfect time to remind you that we're on Patreon.
When you're a patron, you get an episode dedicated to us,
like our lucky patron today.
Dedicated to us? That's very, very kind of us.
Is this one just for us?
It's nice of the patrons to dedicate episodes to us.
Somebody else say it, because I don't think I just said it wrong.
No, you 100% did.
I mean, you're going to change it in the edit process,
so we'll all look like bullies, but to be fair,
we're still bullying you a little bit, but based on what you actually said.
You know, when you're a patron, you get an episode from us dedicated to you.
That's what I meant to say.
And today's episode is dedicated to Kyle Grichow.
Kyle, you get all this row boner dog barking.
Paisley thinks you're great, too.
Paisley's on Team Kyle.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
You can go give it a check and see if it's for you.
Because there's fun stuff, like whole other storylines and character sheets,
and you get to see our dumb faces once a month.
Oh, also, if it's not for you,
we will literally just change everything about ourselves to make it just for you.
I mean, we hadn't talked about that before, but I don't see why not.
We've been making small changes here and there.
I wouldn't say it's been an entire overhaul,
but, you know, we're tweaking it to make it a good community
that everybody wants to be part of.
Oh, he's got a real high real high little defensive there, Russ.
No, I don't think so.
I don't know.
Bring it down an octave.
Don't be stuck.
He's stuck up there now.
So you found yourself out of the maze.
It doesn't seem as like scary provoking anymore.
That's fair.
Yeah, they're going to murder you.
All of you.
Now that's creepy.
Then it got scary again.
You turned it back around.
Bringing it back.
Fuck it.
Let's play D&D.
Everybody remember what happened last time?
Shit.
There was a there was something we needed to solve
and we actually kind of started to figure it out in one episode, you guys.
Yeah, the elevator.
It was pretty monumental.
It was crazy.
Yeah, you guys did good.
Russ thought it was going to take six to 10 episodes,
but it didn't.
But it didn't.
I mean, we've been in here for eight.
So many.
Okay, well, let's just stay positive.
Yeah.
So yeah, you figured out the buttons.
Some wizards are snowballing us now.
And now you're being snowballed in an observatory.
A literal snowball.
Yeah.
And you had just entered this apparent observatory,
judging by the fact that there was a massive telescope there
and tomes and scrolls laying out various astrological phenomenon
when suddenly the room was filled with an unexpected ice storm.
Seems weird.
You're being bludgeoned by sleet and hailstones.
As you squint through the haze, you see four figures standing on a tucked away balcony.
The most intimidating figure dressed in hooded black robes with leather armor
wields a tall wooden staff with a red gem seated atop.
He calls down to your group and he says,
Surprised to see you made it this far.
I was so hoping I could tell Severin that you were stuck in Xantho's Maze for an eternity.
Now, well, I shall deliver you and the traitorous Iskender to him myself.
And as he finishes his speech, the ice storm takes a final swirl,
dealing a bunch of health, eight healing, 13 bludgeoning damage and 10 cold damage,
which if you're immune to cold, you don't take the cold damage.
And if you got halfsies, takey backsies, halfsies, you take half of that.
So is how much damage?
So the base value is 13 bludgeoning, 10 cold.
Do with it what you will.
10 bludgeoning, 10 cold.
Gotcha.
Clearing your eyes, you see the four cultists begin to float down to the ground.
Two of them, the apparent leader and another,
begin disappearing from sight before their feet touch the observatory floor.
Everybody make a perception check.
I'm going to roll with my blue dice.
Nope, right off the top.
I've never seen blue dice before.
Flammikin's got a one.
Wow, is Flammikin's like blind now?
Yeah, she had a lot of ice in her eyes.
Spludgeoned in the eyes.
Sorry, perception?
You betcha.
I only got a 10.
I got a 16.
I got a 21.
Oh, that's much better than mine.
As these people are floating to the ground,
then just before the two of them disappear completely,
you see the glint of a white Glimering hourglass hanging from the leader's belt.
And then he vanishes.
Roll for initiative.
21.
Um, three?
17.
What's three?
21.
I rolled a two.
I got to roll for Thaddeus too.
Thaddeus had a 14.
Okay, Nularaaaa, you are up first.
And the room is 50 by 50 in diameter.
There's a telescope right in the middle,
which is about 20 feet by 20 feet,
extending up to the open ceiling.
Tables along the outer of the room that are covered in books
and hailstones that line the perimeter and the floor,
creating difficult terrain.
Unless you're a winter wolf, I'm sure.
Probably rangers are good too.
What if you're a ranger whose favored terrain is in some sort of observatory?
Libraries covered in hail.
Libraries covered in snowstorms.
And you are along a southern edge of the room.
The fellows who just floated down to the ground,
they are on a westerly edge of the room.
You just came down from a balcony so that you see two of them.
Two of them disappeared.
Uh, okay.
How far away are they from me?
They are...
So calm and cool.
This is why we call her Cool Hand Lucy.
25 feet.
Cool Hand Lucy.
That's me.
Oh, Cool Hand Lucy.
Uh, okay.
Well, I'm gonna just go try and stab one
because that's what I've got.
Uh, wait, I have other things.
Let me see.
Let me try and do another thing too.
Sure, you do you.
You know, other things.
Other things.
That I can also do.
I wonder if you lit your flaming sword
and like held it by your feet as you walked,
if it would make it not difficult terrain for you.
Yeah, do that.
Uh, okay.
As a bonus action, I am going to cast Hail of Thorns.
Yeah, you're using spells.
If I hit someone, something's gonna happen.
Sweet.
Let's see if I can hit them first though.
Shall we?
We shall.
Hit them where it hurts.
Okay.
Hit them up style.
Like pretty much anywhere, like with a sword though.
Yeah.
I didn't hear.
Was Russ, did Russ seem game for this, like melting the ice?
Uh, while walking?
No.
Okay, well then I'm not gonna use that sword
because Dragon Slayer is better.
Fine Russ, that was like my one good idea.
Because it's difficult terrain, does that,
what does that mean?
I'm half speed?
Half speed.
Yeah, so I can't even get to those boners yet.
That's all they are to you, isn't it?
I'm gonna walk towards those boners and then I'm gonna, I guess.
Please stop saying boners.
That's what I'm calling them now.
I mean, since the beginning,
we've been talking about robot boners and now these boners.
Who dare said more dick jokes?
Who was that asshole?
That is true.
Somebody wanted more dick jokes.
It was an anonymous survey, okay?
Anonymous.
I'm gonna try and hit a boner.
I'm gonna try and hit one of them with my crossbow because.
And is he gonna fall back
and then just come back like a weird clown?
I'm like, oh.
Well, those wacky inflatable arm tube guys.
Yeah, it's probably not going to work because it's only a 12.
Does not hit.
Damn.
Okay, well, I'm gonna try again then.
Okay.
That one is better.
That is a 23.
23 is better.
The first one just ricochets off of what you presume is armor underneath his robes,
but the second one strikes wherever you want it to.
Okay, so that is going to be four damage.
That's why this isn't my main weapon, people.
You could have done your hail of thorns thing too.
Well, I do that as well.
Stop bossing me around.
Yeah, Russ, she was getting to that.
Give the woman a moment.
Next time you hit a creature before the spell and blah, blah, blah,
spell creates a rain of thorns that sprouts from your weapon.
In addition to the normal effect of the attack,
the target and each creature within five feet of it
must make a dexterity saving throw.
Target and each creature within five feet of it?
Yeah.
Which is the other cultist?
Nope.
Okay.
One, sorry, one is going to be a nine, the one that you hit.
Okay.
And an invisible one is 15.
Oh, okay, great.
Invisibility.
Look at your spell save DC.
That's what they have to beat.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
That was what I was looking for.
That is a 15.
One gets four more damage.
Uh, and the other gets two damage.
My boy Donnie is going to try to recharge his breath weapon.
He didn't do it.
He didn't do it, but that's okay.
He's going to try and take a bite.
That is a 15.
15 will hit, yes.
So he flies over to the same one you hit, sorry.
Uh, yes, the one that I hit more.
Yeah.
I mean, you don't technically know that you hit the other one.
Right.
That's true.
He's still, he didn't go, damn it.
You just feel good about it.
Yeah.
You would be like, uh.
Hey, I thought we were invisible here.
So that's eight damage and then he recharged, guys.
He recharged.
Remember that he has a fire breath weapon.
So that's going to clear some shit up for us and it's going to be great.
He's just going to go around melting hailstones.
Well, but here's the thing, my dude.
It's a 15 foot cone.
I am still more than 15 feet away from that guy.
He is right beside that guy because he just bit him.
So it is going to clear the ice between me and that dude.
Because he's just good like that.
And you need to do a dex save.
So 15 foot, oh yeah, it spreads out.
So you're going to hit the two that you can see and then another one will take some damage.
Unless, oh sorry, there's a saving throw, yes?
Yeah.
Dexterity.
Dex, yeah.
13.
17, a 17, and.
They are a dexterous boners.
Nine.
Okay, 24 and half that to the other guys.
Yeah.
Okay, so.
That's so much better than his old like 1d4 bite.
Yeah, totally.
Did I paralyze him?
No, okay.
So Donnie lets forth his flame breath.
And chars the first one that you had originally hit with your bow.
He's up in flames running around screaming in pain and falls to the ground.
You notice that the hailstones have begun to melt.
The other one that you can see, also a light, but not deceased.
And a humanoid becomes visible.
The outline of him becomes visible due to the fact that his clothes are on fire now.
That'll do it.
It's the one that's dead's turn.
So he's dead.
Excellent.
He dies.
Yeah.
Oh wow.
What a good turn.
Middle end turn, dead.
You, however, feel some pain, maybe.
Like emotional pain from killing someone?
Because that doesn't seem right.
It's any time it's real tough.
I mean, have we seen enemies be like burned to death before?
That might take a toll on you.
I'm pretty sure Amy once burned someone alive in their metal armor.
So I don't see how this would bother us at all.
I stand corrected.
Where does everybody else want to be in this room?
Either say north or south.
I imagine I would have like branched out to the south.
I think I just held my ground at the entrance of wherever like near the elevator.
We'll see if that is.
Elevator Lyftamatron.
Okay, so Thea, New Laura, and Flint, you see erupt from a point where there doesn't seem
to be anything or anyone.
A huge blast of cold air erupts and begins swirling towards you in a 60-foot cone.
You must make a constitution saving throw.
Oh, that's one of my good ones.
Even if it's coldness, do I have to make one?
It is cold damage, so you will.
You're fine.
He hates that I turned into a winter wolf.
Well, just for this occasion, because I was like, oh, cold.
Nobody can stop against cold.
And plus every other time he's been like, you need to change into a winter wolf more.
Well, and I chose it, too, because like goddamn like wolf shit and like
my little wolf dude up there.
Also running out of hit points.
Numbers over there, what did you say?
19.
12.
Okay, so 19, you're going to take half damage.
12, you're going to take full damage.
Bye.
Which it's going to be eight D eights.
Holy fuck.
Forty six.
Oh, my God.
Four D six?
Four D, four and then a six.
Four tens and six ones, is that what you're telling me?
Yeah.
And I mean, this is magical, right?
This is magical cold, so.
I mean, yeah.
Wait, can you you can't like pick cold as one of your like?
Immunities.
Ah, too bad.
Yeah.
Did you just clap for yourself?
Yeah, that was a good hit.
Good hit.
Yeah, it was.
Anyone else hating Russ right now?
Guys giving himself accolades like.
Laura's not feeling so good, guys.
Okay, Flint, you're.
Okay, so we got that going on.
So there's one visible that's been hit, one that's
outlined, that's on fire.
He's like he's patting himself out so you can see like where he is.
And then you hear muttering like, yeah, you saw kind of where the point of,
you know, starting of this cold blast came from.
Sure.
Yeah, but aside from that, you don't see a physical person.
And the the hill stones, aside from the path that Donnie lit up,
are beginning to melt and there is no more difficult terrain.
Okay, so then everybody's essentially within range.
Yes.
Okay, yeah, I'm going to run forward and slash at the guy that's on fire,
that's invisible, that he was patting himself to try and like get rid of those flames.
Yep.
Give me that good roll.
That is a twenty seven.
It's a pretty good roll.
Oh, sorry.
Twenty nine.
It's a twenty nine.
That's even better.
You hit him.
So just tell me how you kill him unless you roll really low.
Okay, well, I better roll something.
Just make sure that is a nine.
Is that going to do it?
Is that low enough?
Yeah.
Tell me how you kill this guy.
I see him like frantically trying to pat himself out while he's on fire.
And I aim for just what I think should be his head region
and just like step into a big overhand like chop like I'm chopping a log.
Just go right down on it.
Clearly see like a spiraled flame up where there should be a hood
and it just lights the way for you as you split this guy who still remains invisible.
But you can tell that there's going to be some some blood and guts and stuff
when he when he gets not invisible.
I mean, I would think he would turn not invisible once he's dead.
Unless he didn't cast the spell.
So you got another six fight fighting things there.
I still have a couple more.
That other guy that's not invisible should be near enough for me to just like spin and attack them.
Yeah, they're with they're within.
Yeah, they're within good range because they were all lit up by the same thing.
OK, so when I managed to pull my axe out of the one dude's head,
I just continue on with that motion and spin and chop into the dude that's next to me.
Hey, that's the same role.
Another twenty nine.
That's a full damage of ten plus seven.
So that's seventeen.
So off the cleaving of the first one, you backhand this other one.
And he kind of he doesn't see it coming.
It's coming so fast.
Well, that's the thing with my axes.
You never see it coming.
No. And he like turns and sees it just in time.
So he's got this surprise look on his face as you kill him.
Sure. Yeah.
His name was Harold.
He had a family.
Then maybe he should have tried to murder us.
Just throw it out there.
We're reasonable people.
He could have talked to us.
It's fine.
Could have.
And I'm going to because I don't think I'm close enough to the other guy, correct?
Well, the point of origin of the call where you think where I think he was.
You are probably not.
You don't have enough movement to get to that spot yet.
OK, well, I'm going to kind of drop down on one knee
and throw my Dwarven thrower towards that general area.
That's fun.
Do I need am I just rolling an attack roll or do you want something specific?
Roll an attack roll with disadvantage.
Oh, OK.
Because you can't see it.
Seems reasonable.
So the first one is 13 and 9, so that's 22.
Other one is 11 and 9, so that's 20.
I mean, that's going to hit.
Yeah.
Dwarven thrower.
Don't be all sad about it, Russ.
You just gave me like 45 points of damage.
You're still having a good mean DM game.
Don't worry.
You're so bad ass, honey.
Russ is going to go to his calendar that just says mean DM games
and put a little check mark on today was a win.
OK, I guess I better roll some damage then.
You better.
Where's my D8?
There we go.
That is four plus two plus three.
So that is nine damage.
You hear it as your hammer hits.
But the fellow who you hit still remains invisible.
Now, should I really stick it to Amy and take my action surge
and have another turn?
You can.
I don't mind.
It's OK.
No, that's all right.
That will be the end of my turn.
OK, Thaddeus's turn then.
All right.
So Thaddeus is going to throw a fire bolt into that same location.
Where my hammer just hit just just because there's a large telescope
in the middle of the room.
And Thaddeus we placed on the other side of the room.
I'm going to say he probably didn't see exactly where it was.
So if he's going to do that, I mean, he can.
But still, there's going to be either advantage for the guy or disadvantage.
So I'm going to say he probably didn't see where it originated, though.
I will roll with this advantage.
I suppose that seems fair.
What is his there?
Is that a attack spell bonus?
Much like Carla, I never know where the things are on the spell sheet.
That's what Amy's here for.
She can give you a hot tip.
Oh, man.
It's true.
One was so good and one was not so good.
So the 18 is not going to work.
Let's do 14.
14 does not hit.
Flamikins Kins is up and she's like, what are you guys throwing shit at?
I don't see anything.
She's going to ready her crossbow if somebody
shows up.
That guy's dead.
Thea, your turn.
What?
Yeah.
OK, where I am, did I see the eruption of the OK.
You did.
And you saw Flint's thing connect, his hammer connect.
OK.
So you know about where.
Then I'm going to run up and bite him.
Forgot for a second you were a wolf.
Like, oh, that's an interesting tactic.
Oh, with disadvantage.
Did you roll the blue one?
You're supposed to roll the blue one.
I didn't roll the blue one.
I'm going to roll the blue one.
You could still roll.
Let her roll the blue one, Russ.
She rolled a three and a four.
No, I didn't.
I rolled a nine and a four.
Oh, it looked like a three.
No, it's a nine.
So what's your what's your plus?
15.
Oh, no disadvantage.
So you get the four.
Oh, I have to use the four.
OK, then.
So you run over and bite wildly into the air and don't connect with anything.
Nulara, you're up.
All that waiting.
He's very intimidated.
Is he scared?
He's very scared.
Is he helping away from me?
It's a very big wolf that just came and chomped at him.
Yeah, he doesn't.
It's OK.
It's all right, Carly.
You don't need to make me feel better.
How far away am I from the sponer?
I'm going to keep going.
From the I'm just about to drink my beer.
OK, so here's here's the you saw where the cold came out.
You saw where Flint's thing connected, but you also saw the go run to the same spot
and not hit.
So you don't want to say you probably don't know exactly where he is,
but you are about 15 feet from the original location.
Twenty twenty feet from the original location because you didn't really move on your last
turn.
Well, I guess I'm just going to run over and just fucking stab because why wouldn't I do
that?
Why wouldn't I just go over and try and stab?
I mean, I saw it.
I don't know.
I guess I'll like triangulate between where Thea just bit and other things were happening.
Sure.
Maybe see where the the hammer is on the ground and like go for the hammer flies
back to me, but you would have seen where Thaddeus through that bolt
and it missed.
So yeah, yeah.
So I'm going to use all of that information to try and try and do something
into the tank.
Beautiful mind style.
Exactly.
The mind palace.
Sherlock.
Exactly.
I was going to say you're stepping it all out.
So do I do disadvantage with disadvantage?
OK, so that was 18 and that was 10.
So I guess that's a 10, but it's OK, guys.
I have another turn so I can just wait.
That's with your bonuses and stuff.
Yeah.
So I rolled a two.
Yeah, I was going to say, because you have such high bonuses.
You got some good rolls going on today, guys.
Your first swing does go wide and you don't feel like you connect with anything.
I'm going to move slightly in a different direction and try again.
Sure.
That is a 21 or.
Ten.
Fucking two.
I'm getting rid of this d20.
Out of everybody's.
I'm going to get a different d20.
Tom has an air bubble where he gets all high numbers.
Amy's has a bubble where she gets all low numbers.
Kyle's literally right in the middle.
Yeah, I rolled a five when I had disadvantage.
OK, so that goes wide as well.
Do you stay where you are?
Do you continue moving?
I'm going to move because.
Maybe just to get like out of the way if he does another one of those like big cone attacks.
And because Donnie would like to try and take one of those big cone attacks.
But I think my girl Thea is still just chilling there as a wolf.
Yeah, kind of.
So that might that might not happen.
But let's see.
I think Donnie is just going to have to.
Well, let's do this.
OK, he did recharge.
So he is going to ready his fire breath for a time when he can see the dude.
And his his bestie isn't standing directly beside the dude.
OK, so it's the dude's turn.
And calling him the dude.
We're making him sound way cooler.
Yeah, I call him.
But what if he's the guy from the big Lebowski?
Exactly.
That's why he's a boner, not the dude.
Gotcha.
He becomes visible again and you can see him mixing a white Russian.
Talking about how a rug really pulls the room together.
Really does.
So about 15 feet from where Thea and New Laura are centered, he becomes visible,
which triggers Flammiken's crossbow, which she rolled low.
So she's not going to hit.
So she fires and just misses.
But Donnie also gets his fire breath.
OK, so he gets to do a dex save.
OK, that's going to be a 15.
OK, so he'll get half of 26 plus 7 is 33.
So he'll get half of 33.
16.
So the crossbow bolt goes wide and then Donnie lets loose his fire breath.
He manages to get out of the way of the bulk of it.
And then you see him vanish and then reappear up on top of the balcony.
And he begins a low chant and a fireball begins to form in his hands
that he releases down towards Donnie, New Laura and Thea.
But that fireball is like one of those super slow fireballs.
So it takes like three turns to get there.
No, it's an action.
So a bright streak flashes from his hand a 20 foot radius sphere.
Oh my God.
Centered on the point that you must make a dexterity saving throw.
Oh, dear.
Donnie is immune to fire damage.
So he's good.
Can he just like eat it up?
Can he just absorb it and make him stronger?
He just poops out an egg.
Yeah, totally.
And then we can use that egg against him.
I got a 20.
Holy shit, that's a lot of dice.
It's a lot of dice.
So many dice.
Um, 14.
So the fireball erupts out from his hand and comes flying down towards you
and you all manage to succeed, but you still take half damage.
Oh, God.
Still, though, with that many dice, that seems like very important half damage.
Oh, there's a lot of ones in here.
You might be lucky.
10.
Oh, did you roll a bunch of Amy's dice?
Yeah, 20.
Yeah, I see that stink eye, Amy.
30.
I want 31.
So half of 31.
So you have 15 fire damage flying out towards you.
I'm not feeling so good, guys.
Hey there, I'm your Dungeon Master Russ More.
Thanks for joining us for episode 55 of Dumbgeons and Dragons.
It's mine.
Just want to start off by saying thank you to Jason from Take20D&D,
another great tabletop RPG.
Livestream is what they do.
You can check them out.
Details down below.
But why I'm thanking you today, Jason,
is you nominated us for the Alberta Roleplaying Game Awards.
Yeah, we're up for an award.
Can you believe it?
Which means we're going to be up for an award
at IntrigueCon Tabletop Roleplaying Game Convention,
which happens right where Amy and I are in Edmonton, Alberta,
on Saturday, October 13th.
It's a big awards ceremony.
It's a big panel.
So a whole bunch of stuff going on there.
We're really excited because we were nominated by someone
within the community for doing something that we love to do.
So fingers crossed.
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Let's dive back into the observatory
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Have a great week.
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He begins to move backwards onto the balcony.
And it's Flint's turn.
I imagine he does.
So Flint, you are.
Hee hee.
Flint, I've got you 20 feet from the base of the balcony.
OK, how visible is he to me at the moment?
You can just see like the top of his hood.
And can we assume his head is under that hood?
Maybe.
Unless he put it on a hook.
It's just a mannequin, you guys.
You know, one of them hooks for helmets and hoods and whatnot.
A hood hook.
I'm going to climb on up there.
OK, so you get up, but that expends your movement.
And he is standing facing you.
And is he like taunting me?
What's happening?
Oh, fucking double guns.
Got the double gun salute.
Mm hmm.
Damn.
Well, lucky my dwarven thrower flew back to my hand earlier
because I can still throw it at him.
Hold.
As you step up, he releases a magic missile towards you.
Three magic missile bolts come and hit you.
And you're going to take 11 points of force damage.
And you must also make a saving throw
so you don't fall backwards on your head.
Or your butt.
Oh, the strength.
Or your butt.
Or my butt.
Could have fallen on my butt.
That's a good point.
OK, so 17 and 4.
That's 21 on the save.
Yeah, so you don't fall backwards on your butt.
And how many points of damage did you say I was taking?
It was 11, so.
11.
OK, I'm going to use my second wind.
Do it.
And regain myself some hit points in the meantime.
D10 has a 6 plus 11 because we're, no wait, 12.
So 6 and 12 is 18.
So I'm only going to take minus 7 points of damage.
So I get to heal 7 points.
Hey.
That's how it works.
That's totally how it works.
That's math for you.
OK, so I'm still standing up on the ledge and he is within view.
And now you guys are just staring at each other.
Just like eyeballing each other.
Mm hmm.
And I give them the double gun salute and and I throw the Dwarven thrower at him.
Do it.
Yet again.
Wow.
It's like he's daring me, you guys.
Double don't do it.
Oh, crit 20.
He did it.
You release the Dwarven thrower and it does how much damage?
Well, I have to roll that part.
Well, roll it, man.
Like a million.
Just like a million.
I was celebrating my crit 20.
Hang on, Ross.
We are not a crit 20 in a little while.
In a long time.
OK, holy shit.
I just rolled.
I should take a picture of this.
I don't because I just rolled max damage.
So that is two eights.
So 16 plus two plus three is twenty one.
Wow.
That was two like.
Did you cave in his chest with this hammer?
Amazing back to back rolls.
You you get up and you take these these magic missiles and you're like, fuck that shit,
because they crush him off and I get my shit back and like, whatever.
That is what I say.
I always like to say, whatever.
And then you release your Dwarven thrower and it connects square in his sternum.
Blood erupts from his mouth.
And he like grabs on to it.
But the Dwarven thrower pulls him back with it.
Oh, that's a mistake.
Yeah.
And it throws him into the room as you hold on to the Dwarven thrower
and he bounces off the telescope and falls to the ground.
Like that guy in Titanic that fell off the fun landed on the propeller.
Oh, totally like that guy.
Good visual.
Very undignified death he just had there.
It is.
But he is lying dead on the ground inside the observatory.
I pad over and I with my winter wolf teeth pick up the.
The oh my God, the sand hourglass.
Thank you.
It's my wolf brain.
So it says like, I'm going to grab this sand thingy
and I and I pick up the sand thing and I pad over to
I think New Laura's closest to me and I go.
OK, I take it.
Is that other guy visible now who we killed before?
Oh, yeah, as as the life leaves what looks like a very high level cultist
individual, the guts of the other invisible person are now strewn about.
All over everything.
They're all over everything.
Like you're like, I didn't think I was covered in blood, but actually.
Turns out I'm covered in gore.
Yeah.
Oh, wait, could that could that guy who cast the spell see all the gore on me?
Because that would have been not the nice thing to see right before he died.
Yeah, you see, there was a look of a little bit of look of like in his eyes.
Like, don't touch me.
That's my friend.
That was Harold.
Well, he had a family.
He had a family.
He didn't even swing at you.
I was on me.
He was just trying to put himself out.
He was on fire.
And then you whispered, this was your fault.
OK, everybody in the room with the dead body make a constitution.
Say, oh, Jesus, already trying to research how to how to.
Tom, you're not technically in the room.
You're still up on the balcony.
Oh, sweet.
Well, should I still roll for Thaddeus, then?
Oh, yeah, sure.
OK.
Well, that was let's just con bonus.
Seven plus three.
So that is a 16.
Hey, twinsies.
Thea, you pat over and you grab the hourglass and you hand it to Nulara and Nulara
and Thaddeus, you feel drawn to the body that just fell into the room.
You begin to without knowing why both of you walk over
and you see on his on his belt a dagger.
I mean, it looks simple enough, but you feel compelled to pick it up.
Am I just watching them like?
Well, they're like walking over, seemingly looking at the body,
which I mean, for adventurers, I mean, usually people loop bodies.
So we don't usually bother.
But too classy for that, which seems hard to believe.
I mean, when you put it that way.
Well, we know we're on a time constraint right now.
So, yeah.
OK, so we're like both going to reach for it at the same time.
It's going to be like a real meat cute in the grocery store situation or what?
I don't know.
You tell you tell me how meat cute it is.
Yeah, Thaddeus is going to reach down for this dagger and pick it up.
Thaddeus, I I actually would really like to have that dagger.
Well, tough.
It's mine.
He's got really long arms and he like holds it out on her forehead and she like can't reach.
He touches her face.
I mean, he's he's pretty tall.
How tall?
I would like to know.
But I am a short person who has fallen victim to this many times.
Not a short.
I will not suffer these indignities once again.
I mean, unless she has to.
In which case, he's only 5'11".
Well, she's 5'10".
So fuck right off.
She tries to grab it from him because he is not too far away from her.
But if he's holding it like all the way.
Yeah, all right.
That's fine.
Yeah, so I guess we're like fighting over this thing.
I don't know what's happening here.
Thaddeus, you feel within the dagger.
You feel like a very heavy pull between good and evil.
And you catch a quick glimpse of the dagger and you see two red gems begin to glow
and a gleam of red around the edge of the blade.
And you hear a voice inside your head and it says,
Yes, yes, I am yours and you are with me.
Do what you can and I will be yours forever.
Do I see the red glow?
Like, I feel like I'm just watching this, like.
Make a perception check.
Why are you guys being children about this fucking dagger?
Like, it's just a fucking dagger.
Oh, I don't see shit.
No, you're too.
You're too drawn in by just them fighting over this dagger that they've picked off of this body.
You're more primal.
You're like Wolfie, right?
It makes sense.
So you feel a strong urge to fight for this dagger.
Okay.
He's looking through this.
I feel like Thaddeus is a wily vet.
Like, he's going to want to make the first move here.
Also, I'm almost dead, so am I as well.
Oh, my God.
He's going to cast.
Let's see here.
Hang on where I saw it a second ago.
And now mass healing word on everyone.
Yay twist, right?
Real dick move.
He hates that dagger.
No, yeah, he's not going to cast anything.
He's just going to try and kind of like back away
and keep the dagger like a far away from.
Laura, as he can.
Thaddeus, I really I just I've never asked you for anything before.
I just want the dagger.
Can't you just give it to me?
I know.
No, it's it's my dagger.
Make a persuasion check against Thaddeus is constitution.
Yeah, well, I'm not very charismatic, so don't worry.
That was only a nine.
So that is a seven.
What?
You're like, give me the fucking dagger.
And he's like, well, she's very she makes.
Well, she's really she's got a lot of pros and cons on this list, but.
Laura won on that.
So you feel you feel somewhat persuaded as Thaddeus to to give her this.
And then the dagger speaks up and says,
if you give me to her, we will never be able to be friends again.
And I there's like a tear in the corner of Thaddeus's eyes.
He hands over the dagger that he can no longer be friends with.
Goodbye, Stabby.
I'll miss you.
And he hands it over.
OK, I take it.
And you feel the strongest urge to plunge it into Thaddeus.
And what do I do to counteract that?
Constitution saving throw.
Feast and like I assume Flamikins Kins and and everyone is like just kind of.
Like this is happening very quickly, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, I imagine it would be very fast.
Yeah, not how we're stumbling through it slowly.
So that was a six.
Solid.
I'm going to say make an attack roll and then you can react in a way that.
Oh, I can.
OK, let her make the attack roll first.
Because I don't feel like I'd sit there and let my friends stab each other.
So 19.
Can I react to that before she actually ends up stabbing him?
Or does she stab him first?
No, give me your reaction and I'll tell you.
I want to like jump at her and like essentially like pounce on her.
I'm not trying to hurt her, but I'm trying to get her to
not kill the one guy who's been healing us whole fucking time.
Also, we've been through this before, right?
You you have a weak mind.
You get mind attacked all the time.
You're always attacking us.
I think we've all done it, haven't we?
I don't think I've ever turned on you guys.
I think I've always been turned on and I think inside.
I think for sure you have.
I think so, yeah.
If so, I've pushed it so far down.
I mean, it really doesn't matter.
I want to jump on her.
It's definitely happened to me before.
Make that next damage check as your wolf.
You begin to pull back, going to stab Thaddeus and Thea.
Takes a dump.
Jess is like, hold on.
I need to take a big wolf shit right here.
Don't look at me.
I start just eating the dead body.
Okay.
I forget entirely what I'm doing.
Thea begins to run towards you, but she's not fast enough.
Even though she should have a high dexterity as a wolf.
Even though I'm right beside you and also a giant creature somehow.
And in a moment that he hands the weapon to you,
you have this feeling and you drive it into his chest.
And it goes through his armor into his heart.
Music in today's episode was by Kavin McLeod of Incompetech.Filmmusic.io.
Why are you barking, Paisley?
For Kyle.
Did you lose your bone?
No, she hit it because that's what she was trying to do.
She hit it because it's new and she's weird.
I bet you it's literally in plain view in a corner somewhere.
And she'll be like, I did such a good job.
Don't tell her that.
They're never going to find it.
What if Amy's been like long conning us this whole time
and she's really good at rolling dice, but she's purposely rolling low.
And at some point, she's going to introduce some sort of betting element.
And then, oh, shit.
Well, you've ruined it.
I mean, none of us have any money, so I don't know who she.
Cool hand Amy.
That's why we call her that.
That's true.
Right.
Okay, so that's six, 12.
My D8 rolled a six for him.
We used the blue one.
24, roll again.
And an eight.
It just rolled an eight, you guys.
I'm going to be real, real unwell, guys.
You have another 12 turns.
Sorry, I'm in the mood where like when it was still Carla's turn,
I was like, oh my God, it's still Carla's turn.
And it's that much worse because I'm literally the bottom of the barrel today.
You're going to love this, Amy.
You're going to love my turn.
I'm so ready.
Thaddeus's turn, then.
Oh, good.
It's me again.
Until these NPCs die.
It's still Tom's turn.
It's still my turn, Amy.
Shut up.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.